True Motherly Love

If Holden ever questions my love for him, please remind him that when he was four, he needed shoes for summer, and I let him buy these.

I hate Croc type shoes under the best of circumstances, but I do acknowledge their convenience.
These shoes, my friends, are NOT the best of circumstances.  They are so far from the best of circumstances you can't even SEE the best of circumstances.

But he fell in love with these shoes, so he got these shoes....On the condition they never, under any circumstances be worn anywhere further than the mailbox.

.....They've already been to swim lessons twice.  I'm willing to bet you will see him rocking these babies at Target by the end of the summer.  The convenience, people!  It will not be ignored!

86 Percent

Sigh....Let's get this 30 by 30 thing done with already, shall we?  Considering I was completely bored with half the things on my list by the time I finished writing it (what can I say, I'm fickle!)  completing 86 percent of it is pretty good.  The four left uncompleted places me solidly in "B" territory, and I have always been a "good enough" kind of girl.  So really this 86 percent just sums up my entire life.    Here's what we still need to cover.

7.  Read a "classic" book...One I haven't already read.  Again, I am open to suggestions if you have any you liked.

I'll give you a hint as to how this one went.   When I started the book it looked like this outside---

And when I finished it, it looked a lot more like this---

I'm just going to have to say it.  I might not be a Jane Austen girl...Please still be my friend.  It just took me a long time to get into it.  Like 300 or 400 pages.  But when I was finished,  I rewarded myself by watching my favorite movie (inspired by this very book).  

#7 definitely wins for taking the longest time to complete.

9.  Make 72 hour kits for my family.

Done and done!  The biggest thing keeping me from it all this time was the logistics of it all.  So once I gave up on that things went pretty smoothly.  If I have to get out of dodge on foot I am pretty much out of luck. But, let's face it, with two little ones, if I had to get out of dodge on foot I would be pretty much out of luck anyways.  All this junk now resides in our garage.  Except the food, which resides under our bed.

10.  Learn how to properly clean a bathtub.  This is one household chore that continues to best me time after time.

Pinterest taught me this one.  That dish scrubber is filled with dish soap and vinegar.  Between that and a little  magic eraser action I think I finally have it figured out.  Although, still looking for advice on how to complete this chore without getting soaking wet.

11.  Stay at least 50 dollars under my grocery budget one month.  Right now I pretty much go over every month, so heaven help me with this.

You guys, I killed this one.  Here's how.  I switched Harper to the Costco formula and kept my sorry behind out of Target.  Boom.  Problem solved.  That 83 dollars saved was in addition to the $50 I was trying to stay under.

13.  Make my passwords more secure.  I am currently probably asking to get hacked...Dear Internet creepers, I am doing this one soon, so don't get any ideas.  Thanks.

Hopefully I actually deterred the internet creepers from hacking me, because despite what I claimed, this one was almost the last one to be completed.  No pictures of this, because, well,  you know...

14.  Finish organizing my photos.  I got a good start earlier this year, and then gave up halfway through.

Hands down the most time consuming (completed) thing on my list.  Those black books now hold all the photos we own..  Don't judge the empty spots on the bookshelf.  The photos have been done for a while, the shelf holding them all is new and still in need of tchotchkes.  

19.  Cook a ham

It was edible.  It might take a few more tries to make it delicious.  I may or may not ever try that hard.

25.  Learn how to cook an artichoke.  Those little poke-y vegetables intimidate me to no end.

While we're discussing food related tasks...
I'm adding artichokes to the "more trouble than they are worth" category of food.  This category includes, but is not limited to, seeded watermelon and corn on the cob.  And now artichokes.

26.  Complete this 30 day Mom Challenge. 

This little list helped me survive some of the toughest months of Holden being three.  I plan on pulling it back out every time I need a little perspective.

28.  Put aside enough money for a car rental/gas for our Hawaii trip.  (Probably around $500).

Done. And booked!  In case the creepers are still reading I won't disclose when this delightful event will be taking place, but you better believe you will be hearing about it after the fact.

30.  Set up a chore system for Holden.  Besides me begging him to help me pick up and him saying  "I will just watch you do it."

Simple concept.  He looks at his chore cards.  He finishes his chores.  He gets a punch.  He fills his punch card, he gets a prize from the bucket.  (All crafty related items purchased on Etsy, and not at all made by me.)  Some punch cards are completed more frequently than others (neither of us are big fans of afternoon chores), but overall the system is working well!

 

 

We even threw in a bonus card for good measure.  It also has a hit or miss track record.

Ok.  Let's quickly gloss over the failures:
12.  Buy a good pair of jeans.-- I couldn't commit.  For reals.  Those things are pricey and I didn't want to risk getting a dud.  I'm still open to completing this one though, any fave brands?
17.  Complete a Couch to 5K program.  Given my current situation and my overall laziness, this is probably the most unrealistic goal on the list.--  See?  I knew it even back then. I'm having some weird foot problems that made this tricky, and also I hate running.  I did lose all my baby weight anyways, though, so if I cared about stuff like half credit, I would totally give myself half credit for this one.
18.  Fix the giant hole in the bumper of my car.--Sad story.  A series of unfortunate events (ie a hit and run, Holden taking a sharp rock to our window tint, and the ever encroaching demise of Reo's car) has made us determine that keeping my car nice is a pipe dream, and the money for fixing the giant hole is being squirreled away in the new car fund.  Because quite frankly, the giant hole is the least of my poor car's problems at this point.
22.  Get CPR/First Aid certified. No excuses.  It was expensive.  I am lazy.  The dummies freak me out.

Aaaaand there concludes the (hopefully) most narcissistic post I will ever write.  Let's just all forget this 30 by 30 thing even happened.  And while we're at it, we can all just go ahead and forget that I'm 30.  Thanks tons.

Legit

Well, it finally happened.  We are real live parents now. The Manning household has seen its first big "owie."  Apparently my constant reminders to everyone to "be careful!" was not a flawless plan.  Last week, our typical afternoon pool rat routine ended at Instacare when according to Holden he was "jumping into the pool and (insert unintelligible jibberish here) and split my chin RIGHT OPEN!"  He'll tell you all about it if you want...Or even if you don't want.

Three stitches later---

And five days after that they're gone---

This was him right after some pretty harsh accusations.   "You LIED to me!  It didn't tickle!  It HURT!"  Mom of the year right here, people.  In my defense, I didn't realize that there were some pretty deep stitches going on in that chin.

Oh well, nothing a Spiderman sticker, a sucker and a bright orange Band Aid can't fix.

And also some late afternoon underwear modeling....Calm down everyone, it's never been worn underwear.  And look at both of them looking at me like it's no big deal.  Seriously mom, no need for the camera here, move along.

My Finest Hour(s)

Why is it that the more my three year old acts like a three year old, the more like a three year old I seem to turn into?

 Seriously, you guys.  The temper tantrums have been epic today.  And I wish I was just talking about his.

The discovery of his latest self portraits on my iphone may have saved his life today.  I'm just sayin...

How To Sell Your House in a Buyer's Market

1. Have pretty much zero interest the first couple of months on the market.
2. All the sudden have a bazillion showings when you are 400 years pregnant and can barely bend over to pick up toys.
3.  Get an offer (YAY!)
4.  Realize that they want to close in 30 days.
5.  Realize that closing in 30 days puts you at February 22nd....Two days before you are scheduled to give birth.
6.  Scramble like crazy to find a new place to live.
7.  Find a new place to live (YAY!)
8.  Get in a bidding war (so much for a Buyer's Market).
9.  Win the bidding war!
10. Get all your affairs in order to purchase house, including scheduling various inspections.
11. Inspection results:   House tests positive for Meth.....REALLY positive.  Like, 10 times what is considered "safe" to live in positive.
12.  Oh yeah, this happens when I am less than two weeks away from giving birth.
13.  Give up and surrender to being homeless for awhile (and by homeless, I mean freeloading off my parents while they cook for me and watch my kids.)

So there's the story for those of you who have been lucky enough to not have heard me complain about it (some of you have heard it several times over, as I tend to complain loudly and often).
The good news is, we are now free of our condo and ready to start the madness all over again.  Wish us luck!

My Thoughts On Being Pregnant

* That's my view of my belly.  I assume I still have toes, okay, even feet,  but it's unclear.  I'll let you know in about 12 days.

* For a brief couple of weeks, people kept telling me how small I was.  No one says that anymore.  Which is good, because they would be lying, and I would know it.

* 3rd trimester morning sickness is no joke.  Unless it is some kind of cruel joke.  Which it must be because it has been taking me DOWN these last couple of weeks.

* Between my two pregnancies, I feel as though I have experienced pretty much every pregnancy symptom in the book.  Except one.  Apparently there is this thing called Nesting...Heard of it?  Supposedly it is pretty common.  It is nowhere in sight for this pregnant girl.  Too bad I have a to do list 14 miles long, because nothing much is happening outside of the basics these days.  For instance, if the dishes get done and Holden and I both get dressed before lunch, the day is a success.

* On a positive note, my sweet husband (who must have been pretty tired of hearing me complain) scheduled a mother to be massage for me, and I actually WENT!  So there is one to do list in my life that is getting some progress.  Verdict?  Not so bad,  I guess I can see how people enjoy it.  But I had a hard time relaxing because I was spending so much time feeling badly that this poor person's job was to have to touch me.  I have the same problem with pedicures.

*Finally, baby girl will be here in less than two weeks.  And we are ready.  Well, as ready as we can be considering that as of now she is both nameless and soon to be homeless (Oh, did I not mention that?  More to come).

 Ready or not, here she comes!

One of the Reasons I Am Enemies With Snow

Twice in the last three days, my plans to go grocery shopping have been foiled by impromptu blizzards that make it onto YouTube.    That means food is getting a little scarce around these parts.  Scarce meaning that my fridge is pretty much down to condiments and Diet Coke (because I would never run out of that, that is just crazy).
Last night,  while the snow was coming down in droves while I was supposed to be at Costco, I had to get creative.  I dug back to my Snow College roots and we had cheese fries for dinner.

Holden was not entirely convinced, so I brought out some carrots and pineapple to help me sleep at night.

P.S.  I just realized my last three posts have included pictures of Holden sitting at the table.  I promise we do things besides eat...Well, Reo and Holden do.  I am 14 and a half months pregnant.  All I do is eat.

The Trickiest Part of Parenting my 3 Year Old

All of the sudden, the kid is on to me when I try to throw his stuff away.  You know, important stuff, like his coloring pages, broken toys, half eaten apples...Stuff like that.   He seems to have a sixth sense about when one of these "treasures" has made it into the trash and gives me the third degree about why I could have possibly thought it was a good idea to throw away what was apparently his most prized possession.  It's like the garbage police live here. 

Sorry kid, our house is on the market.  Only the necessities make it out alive.  If I can live without a microwave, you can live without the hair covered gooey hand you got out of the quarter machine at the grocery store.  

He's cute though, right?

Potty Training Is My Nemesis

And the worst part is I am pretty sure he is doing an okay job, especially considering we are only a week in and we each lost a couple of days to the evil stomach flu that took down our house last week..  

Someone please tell me it gets better, and the rest of my life won't be spent with "Do you have to go potty?"  being the most frequent words I say.

And it's too late to tell me to wait until he's ready, because ready or not, I didn't let my kid eat almost an entire bag of Skittles in one weekend for nothing.  We're committed.

Anatomy Of Naptime

Remember two short months ago when I wrote this post about my sweet angelic child who slept like a champ and life was great?  HA.  

Here's how Holden's nap time more frequently goes these days.

1.  Stall like crazy:  Figure out that after lunch, comes nap and therefore take 28 years to eat your last 3 crackers.  Then insist on drinking every last drop of your milk.

2.  Try being cute:  In response to "okay, Holden, it's quiet time" say things like "Or, we could sit on the couch and cuddle!"  

3.  Stall like crazy:  Insist on 14 stuffed animals, a toy from the living room and multiple glasses of water.  Oh yeah, and the light on.  And the door open just a little bit, please...

4.  Sit quietly and plan your next attack:  This is crucial, because then your mom thinks she can get things done/play on the internet.

5. Get out of bed and get out all of  the toys in your room.  This includes, but is not limited to opening all boxes of toys with small parts, dumping an entire bin of books onto your bed, and finding all those dumb happy meal toys to hide in the nooks and crannies of your bed for safe keeping.

6.  Declare some of these happy meal toys too scary for naptime and one by one put them outside your door. 

 7.  Make sure your room is properly torn apart.  Rip a few pillows from their pillowcases, locate and open up your baby wipes, and take off your pants for good measure.

8.  Come out of your room with a big smile on your face and say "I woked up!"
Nap time over.

Survival Mode

Summer officially comes to an end this week.  This usually makes me really really sad.  This year is a little different.  Whenever anyone asked me if I had any fun plans for this summer, I was usually only partly kidding when I answered "survive."   Our whole family spent the summer in what I like to call Survival Mode.

He spent the summer working like crazy at a new job and finishing up a particularly demanding quarter of school filled with daily conference calls and a killer Finance class.  

To show for this he has a brand spanking new diploma.  We are also all carrying about 2 pounds of graduation cake weight (that Costco cake is good stuff!).  

He survived an absentee father and exhausted mother, and way more hours than I would like to admit of Netflix streaming.

To show for it has has an intimate friendship with the cast of Superwhy, and as a result can spell the word spell.

I survived spending a lot of time lounging here, on my BFF, my new couch.

I know, lazy, right??  Probably so, but apparently growing a person once again takes a lot out of me.  And I have now officially grown almost 42 percent of a person.  Come March 1st(ish) 2012 the fruits of my laying on the couch  labors will be fulfilled.

So, while I am always sad to see summer go and will be cursing winter before I know it, I will not miss having an MIA husband, TV zombie child or morning sickness.  I do miss Diet Coke.

No Vacancy

Holden's crowd of bedtime buddies is getting a little excessive.    It may not look like much, but there are 6 big stuffed animals, 4 mini stuffed animals, 2 tiny plastic Elmos, 2 pillows and one wooden hockey playing figure named "daddy." And don't try to put him in bed without a single one of those friends, because it won't happen.  This is the bain of my existance when it comes to those stupid 2 inch high Elmos. 

Add to that my 32 pound kid, his blanket and at least 3 books and you have a problem.
I see a transition to a big kid bed in the near future. 
Heck, I see a transition to a king sized bed in the near future. 
Either that or we are going to have to initiate some Bachelor style rose ceremonies around here....I seriously hope those Elmos get cut on the first night.

Parenting Fail

What kind of parents take their two year old to Vegas?  Oh yeah, that would be us.  Two overworked, exhausted parents (one of whom was in desperate need of some sunshine), who weren't willing to spend more than half a day driving, thereby eliminating pretty much anywhere else.  Luckily, we don't do Vegas the "traditional" way, so our trip turned out to be remarkably family friendly.  Here are some highs and lows:

Activities:
High--Finding family friendly activities to do in Vegas (quite a few).
Low--Most of those involve animals, and while Reo and Holden are huge fans, I have neutral at best feelings about looking at wildlife on my vacation (yes, I said it, and if rocks get thrown through my window I'll know it's you).
High--Like I said, Reo and Holden loved it, so it was fun to watch.  Here's Holden making eyes at an alligator (or crocodile, I forgot to pay attention) and pointing out a dolphin.


High--  I am a fan of flamingos, so there was one animal exhibit I found to be fun (AND it was the free one).

Food/Beverage:

High-- Teeny tiny donuts at the buffet at TI.

High-- Best Frozen Yogurt of my life at the Mirage

High-- Eating Coldstone for dinner one night.

Low-- Pepsi pretty much OWNS the state of Nevada.  I had to witness people putting Pepsi products into the beloved McDonalds cup, and in Mesquite we stopped at a gas station that did not have a single Coke product in the ENTIRE store.  Desperate, I went to the Coke store on The Strip, only to find that the snack bar was closed for construction.  The whole situation would have been downright humorous had I not been going through withdrawls.

Travel:

Low--  It pretty much snowed the whole way to Vegas, and some crazy truck tried to run us off the road outside of Cedar City.

High--The way back was bright and sunny, Holden slept for a good 3 hour stretch, and it was a pretty much uneventful drive.

Low--We still had to drive through the bain of my existance, Utah County.



Overall, we came back refreshed and fat, so what more can you ask for?  Thanks to the generous sponsors who made this trip possible (hint: if you gave me cash for my birthday, that's you.)

The Break Up

Dear January:

We are soooo over.  And it's not me, it's you.  Also, February's been calling me, and I've decided to take him back.  Statistically, he treats me marginally better than you do.  So, best wishes in your future endeavors.  I seriously hope that someday we can be friends.

Love,
Juliana

Editor's Note(s):
1.  You would think that I would be over writing letters to inanimate objects/intangible things/months of the year...You know, since it is the oldest trick in the blogging book.  But I still like doing it, and it's my blog, so what I say goes.  Thank you for your patience.

2.  I can (almost) promise you that this will be the last time you hear me complain about winter...This year...I've got some tricks up my sleeve to help me get through the rest of these winter months.  More to come.

Anatomy of a Sick Day

Apparently my child's misery is enough to end my blogging temper tantrum. Being sick is rough, but he does have a pretty good set-up.

And the biggest indicator we have a little sickey on our hands...

This was yesterday. Holden is in slightly better spirits today. The same cannot be said for me. I am running on 2 hours of sleep and we are out of Diet Coke. If you live around these parts, keep an eye out for my SOS signals.

Curiouser and Curiouser...

By the way, I am still anxiously awaiting the day that this kid doesn't look like he is being tortured when I ask him to look at the camera.

If you hang out at our house for more than 5 minutes lately, I guarantee you will hear one of the following questions from Holden. (and probably more than once):

What is that?

Where's it from?

Who bought that for you/Where'd you bought that?

Is that Holden's?

Can I eat it? (While referring to something gross/inedible...He thinks this is hilarious.)

Who's that dude/lady?

What is that dude/lady doing?

and, the most common question of all...

Can I have frazzert (dessert)?

Seriously, people. The questions never quit. At least they haven't gotten all philosophical yet.

Also, as a side note, January is not being kind to me this year. I'm over it. If I manage to post even one more time this month it will be a miracle, so unless something crazy fun happens (or someone on The Bachelor does something I can't help but judge publicly) chances are I'll see you on the other side. Peace out.

Photography Fail

Today was a nice day.

I decided to take Holden out and try to take some Fall pictures in his super cute (in real life...I promise) hat.

Instead, I got some pictures of Holden in what appears to be a really bad mullet wig.

Advice to self: Leave everything to the professionals...Always...

Chairs

Holden has graduated from this chair (please excuse the picture recycled from a previous blog post, I was too lazy to track down the hard drive with all the old photos on it). He now sits at the big kid table with his parents, where he can throw food at us from a closer range. He is enjoying himself immensely.

This chair has been welcomed into our home. We call it the Time Out chair (creative, I know).

Holden doesn't spend a lot of time in it....What's that? You think he doesn't spend a lot of time in it because he is so well behaved all the time? That's cute. You must not have spent any time at our house the last couple of days. In actuality, he doesn't spent a lot of time in it because he is too busy chasing me down doing this whenever I try to put him in time out.

Anyone want to borrow an (almost) two year old?

This Post Brought to You From the Center of the Sun: AKA Our Condo

Current reading on my thermostat: 87 degrees
Number of days since my air conditioner died a quick and painful death: 6
Number of sweltering days remaining until my new air conditioner arrives to cool my house and empty my bank account: 2
Number of times we have overstayed our welcome every air conditioned place we can think of , most frequently Target and my parent's house: Countless

But, it's not all bad...

Since crossing and uncrossing my legs causes me to break a sweat when it is 87 degrees in my house, I pretty much spend most of my days doing what I do best; plopping my lazy bones onto a couch with 2 fans pointed directly at me, watching reruns of the Hills and drinking Diet Coke.

Meanwhile, Holden is finding alternate ways to stay cool as well.

I encourage everyone to go give your functioning cooling system a big fat hug right now, so you don't get betrayed like I did.

So Long, Farewell

It is an unwritten rule that I like my friends to stay close to home so I can see them whenever I please. For the most part people comply with these rules. But for some reason THESE three

decided that moving across the country to go to medical school was more important than me being able to see them willy nilly. Naturally, we needed to have a going away bash, but since our go to hostess with the mostess was the guest of honor, the rest of us scrambled to step up to the plate. Good news! The party turned out anyways, even with me as one of the organizers.

We did a lot of this...

and then posed for some formal shots, since who knows what kind of grown ups we will all look like when they get back.

Lastly, we had the children (minus baby Ember, who had the good sense to go to bed before the madness started) provide the evening's entertainment by trying to get them to pose for a photo. This is the best I got.

I know what you are thinking, THAT was the best you got? Sad but true, primarily because SOMEONE's child (the one on the left with the apparent glass eye) was not being very cooperative. The other children were not pleased.

But hey, I wouldn't be either. The little show off thought we were there to take pictures of him dancing. Seriously, some people's children...

Dear Derek, Lara and Jack. We will miss you lots, so come visit lots. Thanks.